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What is cheating? What are your jealousy boundaries? I just commented on another question that problems stemming from differences in jealousy boundaries in relationships are usually fatal to the relationship, because the only alternatives are reigning in one person's behavior (leaving them feeling controlled and manipulated regarding a behavior they see as acceptable and normal) or telling the other person to get over it (leaving them feeling constantly 'cheated on' and used).
I'm curious how consistent most people's jealousy boundaries in our culture are - how unusual it is to find a relationship where one or both partners don't have to make these compromises.
So, which of the following would you consider 'cheating?' How solid are the boundaries you draw (i.e. is there such a thing as 'forgivable cheating' and 'unforgivable cheating?') Do you think your boundaries are 'normal,' or do you consider yourself exceptionally jealous or open?
• Having intercourse with someone else
• Receiving oral sex from someone else
• Exposing themselves to someone else/deliberately allowing someone else to expose themselves to them (what constitutes ‘exposing themselves?’ e.g. genital exposure? Flashing a thong? Showing off a tattoo?)
• Romantically kissing someone else
• Deliberately feeling someone else up/allowing someone else to feel them up
• Kissing someone else (not necessarily romantically)
• Making deliberate physical contact with someone else for the sake of physical contact (i.e. holding hands as opposed to shaking hands)
• Having risqué conversations/making sexual jokes or references with someone else
• Complimenting someone else (does it depend on what?)
• Admiring/desiring someone else (is a celebrity crush different from a crush on a coworker?) | These days I'm pretty emotionally detached so my definition of cheating changes depending the woman.
As a general rule, any thing she has a problem with me doing but thinks is ok for her to do, I consider cheating. As an example, if she has a problem with me having friends of the opposite sex, looking at members of the opposite sex, flirting with members of the opposite sex, then I consider it cheating for her to do the same. Conversely, if she has sex with someone else, then it's not cheating as long as she doesn't have a problem with me doing the same. I guess my definition of cheating is hypocrisy. |
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